Hubert's Perfectly Normal Day.

> None of the above.

Well. You have certainly chosen something different, haven’t you. It is a bolder outfit than you would typically choose, but you suppose it could have been much, much worse. It will all be worthwhile if FERDINAND is pleased with your adventurous spirit.

The final accessory for your outspoken outfit is your TIMEPIECE. You received it as a gift from HER MAJESTY and THE PROFESSOR exactly one year ago today and you do not leave your room without it. Truly you have been blessed by the explosion of modern technology now that such developments are uninhibited by the maneuverings of ANCIENT DRAGONS in positions of ecclesiastic power. Never again need you scurry to the window to make out the clocktower or attempt to recall precisely how many times the church bells last rang: now, you are wholly your own man, trapping time in your POCKET.

As you squandered your first glance in a stupor of admiration, you spare a second glance at the TIMEPIECE and see that it is currently half past seven. You have some time before your meeting with your ASSASSINS at nine, but you still need to complete your PRE-BREAKFAST TO-DO LIST and also have BREAKFAST.

Your PRE-BREAKFAST TO-DO LIST is a standing list of tasks you do every single day:

• Dress
• Water PLANT
• COFFEE
• Remove FERDINAND

Your next task will be to water your PLANT. Your PLANT was a gift from BERNADETTA, coincidentally also received exactly one year ago today. You regard your PLANT and are satisfied with its condition. When you saw BERNADETTA last week, however, she objected to your handling of the organism: she insisted a plant ought to have a given name. You are not so taken to sentimentality as she, but when you made to mock her to FERDINAND, he—to your disappointment, if not your surprise—agreed, and tasked you to assigning one.

This exercise does not please you. But to acquiesce would require little effort on your part—and besides, you only need hold to this practice until the end of the month, after which time FERDINAND will not be here to badger you about the issue.

... You would prefer not to think about FERDINAND any more, but you will consider a suitable name.