Hubert's Perfectly Normal Day.

> Ramble about MAGIC.

Now there’s an idea. You segue smoothly from the topic of HORSES to a much more interesting subject, regaling FERDINAND with a deep dive into your recent experiments with curses most vile. He interrupts your detailed explanation of the effects of Asmodeus’s Moste Evile Murder Matrix to ask what it is that you like about MAGIC. You inform him of the obvious: MAGIC is the best.

Yes, he says, of course it is, but he would like to know why you think it is the best.

You suppose you haven’t given such a question much thought; you’re not one to indulge in that sort of INQUISITIVE CHATTER. But you are able to expound your beliefs without hesitation, as truths are easier than opinions. MAGIC is a wild, wonderful, and dangerous thing that can, with patience, aptitude, respect, and a careful hand, be tamed and mastered to one’s whims.

“Like horses,” FERDINAND says.

... Like horses. You suppose.

Alas, there is insufficient time to begin a semantic disagreement you will regret, for the DINING HALL is in sight. As you approach, FERDINAND once again reiterates his argument in favor of your attending his CAKE appointment. Whether or not CAKE occurs at the end of FERDINAND’S work day is none of your business as you will not be participating in such an activity, but you suppose you will, however unfortunately, be AVAILABLE after 6pm regardless, once your daily scheming is complete. It would not be unpleasant to see FERDINAND thrice today, you think—at least until FERDINAND begins espousing the virtues of CAKE yet again, as if there is a CHANCE of your attendance, as if it is a subject of debate, as if it is not a TRIVIALITY and FRIVOLITY and an IMPENDING TRIAL, as if it was not bad enough the LAST TIME you had CAKE, as if, as if—

Oh, marvelous. It is THE PROFESSOR.

You register THE PROFESSOR saying a greeting and an apology, followed by additional words you choose not to register; FERDINAND thanks THE PROFESSOR for the latter on your behalf. She informs you that she did not bring your PRESENT to BREAKFAST, but that she will give it to you when you see each other at the PUBLIC AUDIENCE this afternoon. You attempt to inform her that such a thing is absolutely unnecessary, but FERDINAND thwarts you by thanking her on your behalf again. This man should know better than to speak for you. He will receive a reckoning for his insolence, but you fear he is aware of this and has elected to do so anyway.

This last discovery has confirmed something for you: you are feeling an overwhelming urge to be nasty. There has been a great trampling of a number of your boundaries (not to mention a trampling of your YOU) in a remarkably brief period of time. You are having a normal day. You are having a normal day. You are having a normal day.