Hubert's Perfectly Normal Day.

> Be nasty in a normal way.

Digital drawing of post-timeskip Ferdinand von Aegir, Hubert von Vestra, and Byleth Eisner from Fire Emblem: Three Houses. They are standing just outside the entrance to the dining hall in Enbarr's palace, having a conversation. The conversation does not appear to be going well for hubert, who has pitched his head backward, is frowning tremendously hard, and has his arms rigidly at his side with his fingers flexed outward. The devil-horn-like spikes of his hair are pointed straight out to the side and he appears to be vibrating. Ferdinand, standing beside him, is looking sheepish as he holds his own arm at the elbow, glancing up at Hubert. Byleth is munching on toast, her face impassive apart from one slightly arched eyebrow as she looks at Hubert.

Yes. Yes, of course. These things are not mutually exclusive; your surly disposition is well-known (and legally well-documented) as one of your hallmark traits. You can be nasty and normal. It is normal for you to be a bit nasty. You are capable of expressing your displeasure without engulfing your near vicinity in dark MAGIC or committing a murder most foul.

Direct continuation from the previous panel. A thought bubble above Hubert's head shows a bloody kitchen knife. This is comforting to Hubert, who has become much less rigid and is now thoughtfully stroking his chin with an eerie smile on his face. Ferdinand appears comforted by this development and is smiling gently at Hubert, putting a hand on his arm. Byleth, meanwhile, remains fully focused on cramming toast into her mouth.

Well... you could be granted leeway to enact a little violence. Perhaps, if not foul murder, a distasteful one would suffice. The mere thought of this makes you feel a bit better; your pain remains, but it no longer clamors for acknowledgement. And you are suddenly looking forward to your meeting with your ASSASSINS at nine o’clock.

Direct continuation from the previous panel. Hubert is looking pointedly at Byleth and is pointing pointedly at his timepiece, a silver pocketwatch on a slim chain. Byleth once again is inhaling toast, but even around said toast, she has the barest indications of a cheerful expression on her face, with the corners of her eyes scrunched up and one side of her mouth drawn back. This is practically a grin for her. Ferdinand now looks relieved, smiling at Hubert and Byleth with his hand still on Hubert's arm.

Which reminds you, actually—you really do need to be going. It is already a quarter past eight, and if you and those in your vicinity are to make it through BREAKFAST alive, you must make haste. THE PROFESSOR is much too chuffed to see you using your TIMEPIECE, but you are still contemplating murder and thus are temporarily immune to annoyance.

You indulge your urge to be normally nasty by commenting on what a waste of time this conversation has been and bid the professor goodbye.

Direct continuation from the previous panel. Hubert has turned away from Byleth and is now facing Ferdinand again, his arms extended as though lecturing him. Byleth, taking the hint, is walking away with a glance back over her shoulder and a wave at Ferdinand, who waves back at her as he listens to Hubert rant.

With that sorted, it is time to go to BREAKFAST. You brief FERDINAND on the situation. The time is now a quarter past eight, which means you have forty-five minutes to make it to your meeting with your ASSASSINS. You need not account for travel time because MAGIC is the best and you can WARP there, so as long as you have finished your BREAKFAST by 8:59 AM, you will not be tardy; however, per the legal repercussions of your fainting spell last summer, you must ingest at least one “real food item” before your meeting or suffer the consequences.

You alert FERDINAND of the BREAKFAST THREATS that could cause you to run late or be subject to a civil suit:

The thought of the BREAKFAST THREATS has begun to make you nervous. It occurs to you that you should have asked THE PROFESSOR if HER MAJESTY was in the DINING HALL, but it is too late now since you cannot afford to start another conversation with her after quipping your way out of the last one. Perhaps it would be best to abandon this BREAKFAST idea in its entirety and do something else, law and order be damned.

Go to BREAKFAST?

  1. [BEGIN] Proceed onward. Percentage of votes: 69.2%
  2. [QUIT] Retreat elsewhere. Percentage of votes: 0%
  3. Ponder the BREAKFAST THREATS. Percentage of votes: 15.4%
  4. OTHER: Contrive a SCHEME first. Percentage of votes: 15.4%

July 14, 2024 | 39 votes

💡 HINT: You can get clarification on a BREAKFAST THREAT or any other aspect of the game by replying to a post and inputting your question, ex. “Clarify Viable Snacks.”